So much to thank you for, even after you're gone...

For 29 years I have been a cynic when it comes to relationships. And for good reason...You would have never heard me say anything about "knowing" when you've found the right one, and if you'd had, it would have been a big "pffsshhttt" followed by an eye roll.

The day I drove Gramps to the Glyphics reunion was the  last conversation we had alone before be passed. Without going into details, my gramps asked me on that ride if I was still dating a man I'd been seeing for over a year at that point. I shrugged and said "I guess... Who knows where it will end up." Typically, after hearing that kind  of response from me, gramps would have said "be done! Move on! Etc etc. but for one reason or another, he said "you just keep doing that a little longer punky, it will all work out....

I tried not to wrap my head around what he was saying to me because I knew I was probably over analyzing the words of a 75 year old man waiting to be put on hospice to begin his eternal rest. But for the next 12 or so months, I kept dating that guy and kept getting my heart torn up and faith shattered. And many times I'd think " what did gramps really mean??" Did he even know who he was talking to that day?? Am I reading into this too much?"

And then one day in July, shortly after I had decided to quit taking my gramps advice and keep dating that guy so it could "all work out" .....I met him....I met Matt. The man who I had unknowingly been preparing myself for for the past 3 years. The man who called me, not text me, because he liked to have a real conversation. The man who opened my door and I actually didn't try to use my "sense of independence" to stop him.  The man who, for the first time in my life, picked me up for our first date and had a PLAN! No, "where do you wanna go's, no, "what do you like to eat's" he just drove...

We got to Brio a little before  8:00, we sat down, glanced at our menus and had about a 10 second moment of silent awkwardness, and then we began talking. We both barely touched our food that night for fear we may have missed something to say. We laughed and joked about how he was such a "big deal" in high school, and then he said it. The phrase that about made my jaw drop to the floor. He said with a chuckle, "I'm a legend in my own mind." The exact phrase my Gramps said more times than I can count, my entire life! I can't even describe how amazing the feeling was when I went to bed that night. I knew this was something special, and I was going to to everything possible to make Matt happy.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that timing is everything... Gramps knew what he was doing on that car ride, and he knows what he's doing now; playing puppet master from heaven to make sure his little punky is taken care of. I wish you were here, Gramps, to let me thank you myself, to let you meet this beautiful and perfect man (well... Perfect for me ;) who has changed my life, and meet his sweet sweet kids, who have made me realize that there is more to life than a busy schedule and that it's ok to "relax". I love all three of Matts kids the same way I love my own. As if they've always been my own. I wish every day that Matt could have met Gramps and sat on the front porch with him so Gramps could try to ask Matt "sayyy, ugh... Whatchu really wanna hang around with this girl  for anyway?" He'd say it with a grin on his face just waiting for one of my slugs in the arm .

I miss him. Especially now. Now that I am ridiculously happy, I just want to be able to share that with him. Because I know without a doubt in my mind, he had a hand in this "operation 5 kids" which is now my life ;)

Till we meet again Gramps. I love you.... Thank you.

Spoons make me cry sometimes...

This post is happening with no spell/grammar checks other than the one on my tiny little phone, so I am apologizing in advance. I'm lying here after a day at the park with my boys , and I can't help but think about how much I wish my Gramps could have been there cheering with me.

It's been over a year since we lost that wonderful man. There are days it sucks, and there are days it really sucks. Tonight, when I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal (as I do frequently for dinner on the nights the boys are with their dad.) I reached into my drawer to grab a spoon and started sobbing. This seems like a stupid thing to cry over, I realize that. But I'll explain.

When I got divorced, I was the one who left. And because of the circumstances, I literally left with the clothes on my back, and showed up at my parents house in tears. My parents and my grandparents searched for weeks to find a place for the boys and I. They found one, and it is right where I belong. The day my dad closed on my house, my gramps went in for yet another surgery, and before they took him back, my dad walked into his room and said "well, Meg's a home owner!" My first response was "oh man- I gotta get some crap to put in that thing!"

After my gramps got home, I went to see him, we chatted about the new house, and life "post divorce" He always told me he knew I'd done the right thing, and I truly believe I did. Before I left, my sweet grandma handed me a check and said "we know you need dishes and silverware, go get some." I, of course broke down in tears like I am right now as I write this post....but I am so thankful for this damn spoon I'm eating my fruity pebbles with. Not because I love to shovel fruity pebbles in my mouth as fast as Kim Kardashian does cheeseburgers, but because they are a reminder of the little things that my gramps would do for me, that meant so much.

Every day I am amazed at the kindness my family portrays to one another. And everyday, I know that it all started with one great mans example.

I love you till the day after forever gramps! Thank you for allowing me to be your "little punky"

Meg

Moving Forward

I've been hesitant to write anything since my gramps has passed. If I don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.

A few days ago I drove by the cemetery. I've found myself there often these past couple of months. In the hectic life I live, two boys, three baseball teams, working full time etc., I've realized that I need moments alone where my stress can disappear, even if for just a brief moment. The cemetery is a great place for this to happen for me. I can feel my Gramps hug me, and tell me "everything will be alright." Just as if he were next to me when I visit his graveside.

While I was standing next to my Grandpas plot, I noticed the ground had started to settle back into its original place. The once torn up and dead grass has found its original roots and is now regaining its life again, blending into the rest of the ground. I know soon, it will be as if the ground had never been tampered with. It actually makes me sad that there has been enough time without my Gramps for grass to start growing.

Just like the ground, our lives as a family have slowly started to settle and our new life has started to take place. Our life that consists of Gramps watching over us from afar rather than standing by our sides here. We are fortunate to have our roots to grasp on to during times of struggle. They are what keep us from falling apart. We miss him every day, it is still hard, but we are moving forward like he'd want us to. My grandpa was, and forever will be the strongest root of our family.

Funeral Information

I know I’m not the only one who feels like Winnie the Pooh in this clip right now. Whenever I did something wrong and would find I didn’t like my parent’s advice, I’d go straight to Gramps’ house. More often than not, he’d give me the same advice my parents did, but somehow his delivery left me feeling better than I did after hearing the exact same thing from my mom or dad. He was my go to man for 28 years.

Holy crap I miss my grandpa. I miss that he’s not sitting out on the front porch when I pull into my parent’s house, telling me I drive like a bat out of hell, or that I may have hit a few kids on the way in. I miss that he can’t give me a big bear hug because I’m sad. I hate knowing that the next time I do something stupid, which probably won’t take long, I can’t go to him for the comfort of knowing I’m only human and we all make mistakes. I’m so grateful for being able to have last words from him, even if they were “Hey! I thought we were trading you in for a motorcycle!” (Long story, but I love that his sense of humor never left him.)

Having a warning that our Gramps would soon be passing, gave us an opportunity to say our goodbyes rather than having him taken without notice. Even knowing his time was short, there are still so many things that were never said. I, along with many others, couldn’t have ever thanked him enough for all he’s done.  

The viewing will be Monday, April 2^nd from 6:00-8:00 p.m. at Broomhead Funeral Home, 12600 S. 2200 W. in Riverton. Gramps funeral will be held Tuesday April 3^rd at 11:00 a.m. at the Stake Center located at 12154 S. 3600 W. Thank you all again for the love and support through this difficult, yet peaceful time.

Meg

May Angels Lead You In Gramps....

Our sweet loving Father, Grandpa and most of all, Husband to our sweet Grandma and our best friend passed away this morning. Heaven opened it's doors this morning for a man who's greatness can not be described in words. We are so fortunate and blessed to have had this man in our lives. We are at peace knowing he was met on the otherside with so many loved ones who have gone before him. Our time with him wasn't as long as we'd hoped it would be, but we know that our Heavenly Father needed him more than we did.

Thank you to all for your love and support and countless prayers and thank you for allowing Perry to be a part of your lives.

All our Love,

The Kassing Family

An Update and more Love from Friends.

Gramps is hanging in there, he was pretty restless all day yesterday, I’m sure mostly from the discomfort of being in bed day in and day out can’t be comfortable. He has been extremely agitated; he kept trying to take off his bandage from the stitches he got last week. At one point yesterday, Sheri and I were trying to keep him from pulling it off and he looked Sheri straight in the face and very groggily said “Hey! Ya know what? I can kick the crap out of you any day! Don’t forget it!” I love that his sense of humor sneaks in as he comes in and out of it. We left the room to eat dinner because he’d finally fallen asleep, I don’t doubt he was faking it because sure enough, when we went back in his room, the bandage was off. He’d won that battle. We don’t get much out of him, and when he does say anything, most of the time we’re not quite sure what he is saying, so you can imagine how happy we were to get a little chuckle out of him yesterday.

Again we thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers, and for the countless meals that have been brought in by friends and neighbors. Not only are they thinking of Bubba, but the whole family, by bringing in enough food to feed an army. It is VERY much appreciated and we will never know how to repay each of you for your kindness and generosity.

I've been putting this off, just like I put off going to see Perry over years.  If I don't talk about this then it won't happen, it won't be real. I love Gramps.  I loved working for him all those years at Glyphics.  He was happy to see every single one of us, never had an unkind word (well....not that wasn't said in jest!), and loved us all.  He always teased me about my freckles, he'd come count them every day to see if I grew a new one.  When I was pregnant he'd waddle down the hall beside me and laugh, and he came to see my babies in the hospital to see if I passed on the freckles to them.  The part that will forever touch me is after I left Glyphics, my Mom got sick and died.  She was never a church goer but was a religious person.  I talked to Perry and he agreed to do a service for her.  It was so beautiful and touching for my family.  Perry had never met her but knew exactly what to say, he spoke so beautifully, and enlisted an entire crew to come and make it a special day.  Lori played music for us, Gary Moulton and Chad Stokes said some prayers.  It really touched me and reminds me that we are family, didn't matter that I wasn't born into Perry's family, but he loves me like I am one of the kids.  We have a great treasure in this man and I thank God every day that I had the opportunity to know him.  I am forever changed for the better because of his love.

Leann McFalls (Friend)

The Tafoya's here. We just want to send our love and our prayers to you at this time. Perry we want to tell you how much we love you, admire you, and appreciate all that you have done for us. You have touched our lives just like everyone else you have come in contact with. We have always appreciated your friendship from the time we moved into the ward.  You have been a great Bishop, and a great neighbor, and we will miss your genuine smiles, handshakes, and hugs!  We are so grateful that you have been a part of our lives, and we will continue love and pray for you and your family. LOVE WITH ALL OUR HEARTS.

The Tafoyas'

Small Update and Letters

We don’t really have much to report; Gramps has been sleeping for the past couple of days. Every once in a while we’ll get little smile, or a little wave or a mumbled “I love you” but that is the extent of his conversations with us. So many people have called or text to see if they can come visit. We are asking at this time to send any love through email, text or phone calls and keeping visits to immediate family members only. Thank you to everyone again for your thoughts and prayers.

Dear Gramp,

I love you so much you are the best grampa ever. I will never forget the memories we have had. Thanks for teaching me how to play the ukalaili it is so much fun. We have had so much fun together I love your pupets! those are so much fun. Well I love you soo much I cant wait to see you again in heaven you are the Best!

Love, Kennedee  (grand-daughter)

ps. thanks for letting me play the guitar its so fun.

Meg,

Since hearing the update on Perry my emotions have been very close to the surface and have "spilled over" many many times,  I find myself crying several times each day.  Working with Perry was a highlight in my life.  I loved hearing his stories and how he knew the best places to eat in every city is beyond me. Seeing him each and everyday and hearing him tease me about anything and everything- from the way my nose turns up at the end, to what I was eating for lunch- is something I will always cherish.   I sit now with a heavy, heavy heart knowing that in the last 9 years the only contact I've had with him has taken place over Facebook and even at that was very limited, I will forever look back knowing that I took his friendship for granted.  BUT I take comfort knowing he doesn't hold it against me, because I will ALWAYS remember the "big Perry smile" he gave me when I walked into the Glyphics Reunion.  That's just Perry, he loves us for US and is never judgmental. 

I was telling a friend yesterday the situation with Perry and I was trying to come up with the best way to describe him and my relationship to him and the best thing I could come with is he's the Grandpa or Bishop everyone wishes they had.  Heck, maybe if he were my bishop I'd make it to church... It's hard to imagine this world without "Big Per, with the Orange Hair" but to echo those that have already sent you letters, Heavenly Father needs his help on the other side. I lost my hero and Grandpa almost 2 years ago and I'm sure they will make fast friends and have story after story to tell each other. 

Thank you for putting the reunion together and allowing me the opportunity to reconnect with Perry.  Please give him a hug from me.  I sure love that man!

Angie Olson (friend)

Putting into words what my father in law means to me is probably impossible.  How do you summarize a 36 year friendship into a few words?  I remember when I first met Brett and told people that I liked him, the first thing they would always say is "he has the coolest dad"!  The first words Perry ever said to me were "those are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen"!  That didn't seem that cool to me.  However, marrying his son, and becoming part of the Kassing family has been the greatest blessing of my life.  I was accepted by Perry, and Shirley, flaws and all.  They have become some of my dearest friends.  We have laughed together, cried together and spent countless hours visiting in our neighboring homes and on the porch.  Long summer nights we've sat and heard the same stories told over, and over again.  By Perry.  He would start a story and say "have I ever told you about the time..." we'd say yes, and off he'd go telling it again.  It didn't matter if it was the first or the 50th time, he'd just keep going. 

Over the years I've discovered why everyone thinks he's so cool.  He has a way of making you feel like you’re his favorite person in the world.  All of us "in laws " would tell you we're his favorite, that's just how he made you feel.  Early on in our marriage he would come pick me up for lunch.  I think he told Shirley he was working, but he never has had any visible means of support.  He took me to some pretty scary places.  He taught me to love Mexican food that would make your eyeballs sweat.  He introduced me to Schmidts bakery, and the dessert at Market Street Grill.  He loves me, and I know it.  The last 4 1/2 years have not been easy.  When his friend and Dr,  Anna Beck told him the cancer was back we sat in his library and bawled like babies.  He told me he wasn't ready to go, but maybe it was time.  These last few weeks have been hard.  But some of the most tender moments of our friendship.  We've laughed, and we've cried.  I will miss my friend, but I know I will see him again. 

Now, I want to say something about his Bubba.  He loves you deeply.  He's told me that so many times.  It's not easy to be married to a legend (in his own mind right?)  But you've been his one and only true love.  The Marine that swept his heart away.  As I've watched you care for him these last few years I've admired your strength and your courage.  You are an amazing woman, and as a plaque I once gave you says "how blessed I am, how fortunate I've been, that you are his mother, and also my friend".  Love ya Bubb

Lori (Daughter in Law)