So much to thank you for, even after you're gone...

For 29 years I have been a cynic when it comes to relationships. And for good reason...You would have never heard me say anything about "knowing" when you've found the right one, and if you'd had, it would have been a big "pffsshhttt" followed by an eye roll.

The day I drove Gramps to the Glyphics reunion was the  last conversation we had alone before be passed. Without going into details, my gramps asked me on that ride if I was still dating a man I'd been seeing for over a year at that point. I shrugged and said "I guess... Who knows where it will end up." Typically, after hearing that kind  of response from me, gramps would have said "be done! Move on! Etc etc. but for one reason or another, he said "you just keep doing that a little longer punky, it will all work out....

I tried not to wrap my head around what he was saying to me because I knew I was probably over analyzing the words of a 75 year old man waiting to be put on hospice to begin his eternal rest. But for the next 12 or so months, I kept dating that guy and kept getting my heart torn up and faith shattered. And many times I'd think " what did gramps really mean??" Did he even know who he was talking to that day?? Am I reading into this too much?"

And then one day in July, shortly after I had decided to quit taking my gramps advice and keep dating that guy so it could "all work out" .....I met him....I met Matt. The man who I had unknowingly been preparing myself for for the past 3 years. The man who called me, not text me, because he liked to have a real conversation. The man who opened my door and I actually didn't try to use my "sense of independence" to stop him.  The man who, for the first time in my life, picked me up for our first date and had a PLAN! No, "where do you wanna go's, no, "what do you like to eat's" he just drove...

We got to Brio a little before  8:00, we sat down, glanced at our menus and had about a 10 second moment of silent awkwardness, and then we began talking. We both barely touched our food that night for fear we may have missed something to say. We laughed and joked about how he was such a "big deal" in high school, and then he said it. The phrase that about made my jaw drop to the floor. He said with a chuckle, "I'm a legend in my own mind." The exact phrase my Gramps said more times than I can count, my entire life! I can't even describe how amazing the feeling was when I went to bed that night. I knew this was something special, and I was going to to everything possible to make Matt happy.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that timing is everything... Gramps knew what he was doing on that car ride, and he knows what he's doing now; playing puppet master from heaven to make sure his little punky is taken care of. I wish you were here, Gramps, to let me thank you myself, to let you meet this beautiful and perfect man (well... Perfect for me ;) who has changed my life, and meet his sweet sweet kids, who have made me realize that there is more to life than a busy schedule and that it's ok to "relax". I love all three of Matts kids the same way I love my own. As if they've always been my own. I wish every day that Matt could have met Gramps and sat on the front porch with him so Gramps could try to ask Matt "sayyy, ugh... Whatchu really wanna hang around with this girl  for anyway?" He'd say it with a grin on his face just waiting for one of my slugs in the arm .

I miss him. Especially now. Now that I am ridiculously happy, I just want to be able to share that with him. Because I know without a doubt in my mind, he had a hand in this "operation 5 kids" which is now my life ;)

Till we meet again Gramps. I love you.... Thank you.

Spoons make me cry sometimes...

This post is happening with no spell/grammar checks other than the one on my tiny little phone, so I am apologizing in advance. I'm lying here after a day at the park with my boys , and I can't help but think about how much I wish my Gramps could have been there cheering with me.

It's been over a year since we lost that wonderful man. There are days it sucks, and there are days it really sucks. Tonight, when I was pouring myself a bowl of cereal (as I do frequently for dinner on the nights the boys are with their dad.) I reached into my drawer to grab a spoon and started sobbing. This seems like a stupid thing to cry over, I realize that. But I'll explain.

When I got divorced, I was the one who left. And because of the circumstances, I literally left with the clothes on my back, and showed up at my parents house in tears. My parents and my grandparents searched for weeks to find a place for the boys and I. They found one, and it is right where I belong. The day my dad closed on my house, my gramps went in for yet another surgery, and before they took him back, my dad walked into his room and said "well, Meg's a home owner!" My first response was "oh man- I gotta get some crap to put in that thing!"

After my gramps got home, I went to see him, we chatted about the new house, and life "post divorce" He always told me he knew I'd done the right thing, and I truly believe I did. Before I left, my sweet grandma handed me a check and said "we know you need dishes and silverware, go get some." I, of course broke down in tears like I am right now as I write this post....but I am so thankful for this damn spoon I'm eating my fruity pebbles with. Not because I love to shovel fruity pebbles in my mouth as fast as Kim Kardashian does cheeseburgers, but because they are a reminder of the little things that my gramps would do for me, that meant so much.

Every day I am amazed at the kindness my family portrays to one another. And everyday, I know that it all started with one great mans example.

I love you till the day after forever gramps! Thank you for allowing me to be your "little punky"

Meg